Smashed celery root

This is a quick recipe; 30 minutes maximum, lightly attended during cooking. This can be served in place of mashed potatoes.

Ingredients:

• 1 dense celery root (AKA celeriac) peeled and cut into 1/2 inch cubes
• 2 - 3 tablespoons butter
• 3 - 4 tablespoons cream
• 1 clove garlic
• a few grates of fresh nutmeg, to taste
• salt and pepper to taste

Melt butter. Cook celery root and garlic, with a teacup or two of water for 20 - 25 minutes, covered, on medium, then low heat. Keep a little water in the pot at all times. Mash the celery root, add cream, nutmeg and spices. 

Lovely, very mild flavor of celery, with a slightly more fibrous (but still creamy) texture than mashed potatoes. You can serve this with beef, pork, game and sweetbreads. 

Inner Beauty hot sauce

Oh, what could inspire this freaky creation, but a traditional recipe still bound to its locale. @RobZoneNet texted me with his review: "that hot sauce fucking rocks". You could write restaurant reviews, Rob, m'boy.

It's Caribbean in origin, with Creole and Indian influences, and hotter than hell. There are unlikely flavor pairings (unless you inhabit a shanty in Trinidad) in mustard and mango, inflamed by habanero, and infused with curry, brown sugar and allspice; lordy, my mouse waters as I write this recipe. Oh, all those  exquisitely painful meals with fatty meats and grilled vegetables!

I've been perfecting this recipe for almost 20 years. There's nothing like outside of the islands. You can do this all in a blender, except cracking the allspice; it has to be whole - ground will not do.

• 1 fresh mango, meat cut from the pit and skin; or, if you're in a hurry, you can get decent but lesser results from 8 ounces of mango nectar; once I found a jars of cut fresh mango in a market cooler.
• 12 habanero peppers with seeds; remove the stems
• 3/4 cup prepared spicy mustard
• 1/4 cup brown sugar
• 1/4 cup cider vinegar
• 2 tablespoons savory curry paste; curry powder is not nearly as good
• 2 tablespoons salt 
• 8 allspice seeds, whole, cracked in mortar and pestle
• 6 ripe serrano or cayenne peppers will add an interesting color accent; but you'll hardly notice the extra heat

Pulse the blender until peppers and allspice are very fine. Makes a little over a pint, lasts a long time in the fridge.

Bolognese meat sauce

In 2011 I ate at an excellent Italian restaurant in Philli. My company ordered a plate of pasta and bolognese sauce; it looked so good. (Somehow I survived dinner with a really fine duck in orange sauce). But sitting there, I decided to task myself with making a fine bolognese sauce.

Begin with

• 1 cup soffrito or,
• 1 large minced onion
• 3 cloves garlic
• 1 cup diced tomatoes

Saute in 2 tablespoons olive oil. Add ingredients to

• 1 pound lean ground beef
• 1 pound ground veal
• 1 pound ground pork
• 1/2 bottle dry white wine

Cook ingredients in wine until cooked and finely separated. Meat should be in a visible pool of liquid; better to separate the meat and result in a finer texter. A half hour before serving, add:

• 1 cup whole milk, half and half, cream, or sour cream
• crushed black pepper
• oregano
• basil
• more wine for a thinner sauce

Shad roe with prosciutto

"Journey of the shad


Shad roe is a glorious regional delicacy; so good, that I should feel a twinge of guilt in wrapping them with prosciutto. But the effect of the combination is enough to forgive myself the pleasure. Blame me if I'm wrong. You'll still have shad roe to eat.

Aside from the addition of prosciutto, don't try gourmet treatment of shad. Butter and some ground pepper is the most that shad can bloom in. No wine, no herbs, nothing. The secret is how you saute the sacks. And here, revealed for the first time, is how you cook sublime shad roe:

• Provide one roe sack for hors d'oeuvre, or a pair for an entre. They must be absolutely fresh, or serve hot dogs, instead.
  
• Prosciutto, about 1/8 pound (two paper thin, translucent slices) per pair.
  
• Butter
  
• Freshly ground pepper to taste (easy, now...)

Heat a heavy saute pan to moderate heat. Add a generous quantity of butter; it should smoke slightly. Add the shad to the pan, wait 30 seconds, and turn; turn the pan down to low heat, and heat through until the roe is only slightly rare in the center. The skin should be slightly caramelized. 

Meanwhile, as the roe are cooking, spread slices of prosciutto on plates, one per roe sack, two per pair. Place the roe on the slices and wrap. Turn, so that the seams are hidden. Pour a little of the butter so the assembly glistens. Serve to howls of appreciation. 

Windy kilt

It was a very cold, clear day following a winter snow storm. There was absolutely no incentive to work outside. I wanted to settle into comfort with a book and a cat. But I had a craving for a hot drink...

I ground some darkly roasted beans and brewed a strong pot of coffee. Near the coffee pot was a half-full bottle of Laphroaig single malt whisky. My muse must have been sitting on my shoulder because, all vanity aside, the result was truly inspired.

In a mug, combine:

• 1 or 2 shots Islay Scotch whisky, e.g., Laphroaig, Caol Isla, Ardbeg. It must be a smokey Islay (and as wonderful as Bruichladdich is, it's not smokey).
  
• 1/2 shot Irish cream, e.g., Carolan’s, or Bailey’s
  
• Top the cup with a strong brew of dark, or if you prefer, a medium roast coffee. It needs to be a  premium, smooth bean; Folgers won't do.

Find Your Bliss:

Experiment with the proportions, until you find your recipe. If the Islays are not your cup of coffee, then use an Irish whisky (i.e., make an Irish coffee instead) instead.

Locate your favorite chair. Find a book, and a cat given to catatonic sleep. Give in to naps. Enjoy a peaceful day.

Cheers!

Limoncello (with white tequilla)

Limoncello is one of those up-and-coming drinks that nearly everybody has a story about. Either they have tried it somewhere, or their grandmothers had a recipe and made it for special occasions.


I learned about limoncello from an Italian friend, who makes a cream version. He annually cooks large group meals as for several privileged groups, and his white wonder is always on the menu. Lucky, spoiled, pampered fools.


Limoncello is a liqueur ideal for the home cook. Lots of lemon zest; it typically uses grain alcohol; simple syrup (see below); and optionally, light cream (as per Joe's recommendation). It makes you look brilliant!


Where I think there is an alternative with the traditional recipe above is substituting the grain alcohol. The strategy with grain alcohol is that you use its lack of flavor to let the lemon zest stand out and on its own. Grain spirit is a reasonable choice, of course, but I'll opt for another.


In my view, if the spirit complements the lemon zest, then why not take advantage of the combination? After all, and no slight intended for Joe's skill and respect for tradition, when the alcohol is white tequilla, and the marriage of white tequilla and lemon being inspired, well? It's a gift.


Update: Boy, Joe took me to task for this recipe. "Too bitter! I couldn't even dring it." Ouch. OK, so I was too aggressive in cutting back the sugar. Sweetness makes the brew smoother. Translating proportions, Joe adds 2 cups white sugar in this recipe. You'll have to increase the water, too.


So, combine:

• zest of 8-10 lemons, depending on size. Organic is recommended, as the skin is a sink for chemicals.
• 2 750ml bottles of good quality white or silver tequilla (e.g., 1800 Silver) 
• 1/2 cup white suger and 1/2 cup water prepared as simple syrup
• 2 cups simple syrup (sheesh)
• 1 cup - who the hell cares what Joe says? 2 cups is cloying, nasty.

Notes:  

Long strokes with the zesting tool, yielding long yellow filaments, are preferable to short. Pull from end-to-end is my recommendation. 

I've tried a premium potato vodka with good success. More like the traditional recipe, and perfectly acceptable.

I've also tried zest of orange (tough skins like Navel) with decent success. I'll try grapefruit and blood orange soon.

• Macerate (soak) the zest in tequilla for  2 to 4 weeks
• Strain the zest out of the liqueur, and add simple syrup

Serve straight from the freezer; although, really, chilled is very acceptable. The finished product is smoother than the grain version, and doesn't have the antiseptic taste that grain alcohol produces.


I checked Google Translate for translation of limoncello into Spanish. I really thought it might be the phonetic limonchelo. Not so, at least not yet.


¡Salud!